When People Invade...

Boundaries.
We all need them.
Many of us find it a challenge to exercise them.

I'm having one of those days.
One where the kids just Will.Not.Stop.
They want everything, fight everything and generally treat me like a villain because I won't let them eat desert without dinner or stay up and watch movies. What's worse than people pressing in on you, trying your patience?
Letting them get inside your head.

At least that's my problem. It's not just kids, its anyone. Family, friends, even sales people calling me on my own phone! You see I have this really, really bad problem called self doubt.

It's a tricky one to have because sometimes it feels like self-awareness. Sometimes it feels like grace. Sometimes it feels like loving my neighbour more than myself. But you know what? Its not. When it comes down to it, more often than not, I give in because I'm afraid.
I'm afraid you will judge me.
I'm afraid you won't like me.
I'm afraid you'll think I'm inferior or incapable or inadequate or unkind.
And worst of all, I'm afraid that I'll believe you.

For so many years I have allowed other people's opinions and criticisms to draw the boundary line around my own behaviours. I have pushed myself beyond healthy limit. Accommodated clingy, needy attitudes that have sucked me dry. And not stood up for myself when I really should have.

But you know what I'm slowly learning? If I don't draw a boundary, someone else will. And before you know it, you might find that - like me - you have surrendered an awful lot of real estate in your own life. Or worse still, within your own mind.

People are not our enemy, but the real enemy can use their attitudes and unfair criticisms to keep us bound; to keep us from being who we are really supposed to be. Don't confuse Christian charity for giving in. Saying yes when it should be no is not helpful to anyone. It's not healthy for yourself and its not healthy for the person who just might need to hear that no.

I've decided its time to reclaim a little bit of land back.
Will you join me?

Solution Fixation

Do you ever imagine the perfect solution to the challenges in your life? Perhaps it is your husband learning how to understand you better?

Your children finally listening to what you tell them.

That pesky sickness leaving you alone...

Lately, I've been thinking about the concept of solution-fixation. (don't google it, I made it up) :)

By this, I mean the pattern of thinking we slip into when challenges are on our doorstep; we visualise solutions and tell ourselves 'if only this were to happen, then everything would be okay.'

We can become fixated on that event or lining up of circumstances that will take us away from the challenges at hand. But is this always a healthy approach?

Certainly, creativity is wired into our very being and problems often require critical thinking and imaginative solutions (mixed with a little hard work)... however, becoming fixed on a certain solution - particularly if it is one that is outside of our control or power - can actually do the very opposite of what we are trying to achieve. It can lock us into a victim-mentality and strip us of the power to exert change over our circumstances. When we hinge our own emotional and psychological well being onto a solution that is beyond our reach we lose sight of the valuable lessons that the problem might be trying to teach us. 

In case you haven't noticed, God doesn't magically disintegrate our problems nearly as much as we would like. Trust me, I know: it would be so easy if He just....(insert obvious solution here)

But He doesn't. More often than not, He has us walk through a thing.

But perhaps there is method in His madness....

In our rush for answers, we forget an important principle:

Solutions change things around us.

Problems change things within us.

There is a time and a place for both and God in His wisdom knows exactly which it is you need; and He isn't slow on solution when you really need it. Problems can be more powerful than solutions. They're not easy, but they are potential agents of change. The challenge lies in which way they will change us? Will they make us more frustrated, disappointed and jaded? Or will they lead us into deeper intimacy and dependance on God?

I have a bit of a feeling that God takes His parenting duty very seriously....let him show you what you need to learn to cope with this problem. He won't leave you helpless.

'But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing' 

James 1:4

What did He do?

For as long as I remember, I have theoretically known what Christ achieved on the Cross. Atonement. Propitiation. Sacrifice. It has become a pat, dusty little theology sitting in the unused corners of my mind for much of my adult life. Theologically dry and practically inaccessible.

I am left with a dutiful amount of gratitude but also find myself wondering, what am I missing here? Is Calvary overrated? Over advertised? Short on delivery? Because when I look around, I don't see nearly so much dynamo unleashed that you would expect given the sheer amount of real estate given this work in the Bible. The Cross was changing lives. Literally tearing them apart and making something new. As a Christian, I see the rhythmic beat of redemption in the life of His followers. The steady, quiet work as we are shaped by the Great Parent, but I rarely see the life-cracking power of Calvary grasped tenaciously, turning agony to victory, stirring hope like elixir through the bitter brew of broken lives. Why do so many of us Christ-followers seem to struggle with many of the painful pitfalls and despairs experienced by broken society? Where is our hope? Where is our power? I'm not talking vague, pat 'everything will be ok one day' mentalities... Don't get me wrong, these attitudes are good, necessary: great in fact! But where is the power of the cross in our today? Is there some powerful concept woven into the fabric of that controversial event that we are missing....a secret awaiting our discovery, readily accessible moment by moment in all our agonies and victories, trials and triumphs? And if so, what does it look like in my mind? My life? My skin?

I am no theologian, but I am beginning to reassess how I have viewed the Cross. Because, I'm getting a sneaking suspicion that I am only scratching the dust here and there just might be a wellspring beneath my fingertips. What if the Cross really was the most exciting thing to happen to mankind? What if it truly was the Great Battle Conquered: that mighty and invisible clash of worlds, where the military control of Darkness was literally overthrown and a New Kingdom was set into motion? What if it its implications are as tender as a lover, as real as Youtube and as readily accessible as a breath?
I know, right? It sounds like the stuff of an amazing tv series, but is it real? The short answer is: YES! more real than the skin we inhabit! And I have a growing suspicion that is supposed to crack open our lives, our days, our moments just as it cracked open the very earth beneath His feet.

Because when His body exhaled, an invisible, corrupting Kingdom bled into the dusty ground and began to distort the cells of Fallen Humanity. Like a viral infection leaking into the hopelessness, the despair, the injustice, the loss. Every event from that moment forth: every single exquisite, painful moment from that day until the folding up of this planet, was cataclysmically divided. Hope vs Despair. Redemption vs Destruction. Life vs Death. Within reach of fingers and hearts and minds... The word of the Lord is near.

We are offered a Kingdom. Viral. Wild. Corrosive. Accessible.
The ramifications are dynamic.
Sink your teeth into it. Get your head around it. Let it invade.
It's where our story begins.